🧚🏼 Kids Say The Weirdest Shit

Dadpack Digest, V13 🤔

Kids Say the Darndest things, and sometimes they land on something so strange they really creep everyone out. Such was the case for Owen Ashworth, a dad and recording artist based out of Chicago, when his 6-year-old daughter claimed that she was her mother's tooth fairy in a previous life. 

This Week From Dadpack 

• 👶🙊 The truth behind your child's first words: It might not be "mama" or "dada" like you previously hoped, but it may be incredibly basic.

• 📰🗞 In case you missed it: All the news you missed while you were stuck at the office fielding live updates about your kid's bodily functions.

• 🏋💪 Variety is the spice of your fitness goals: If you're New Year's resolutions have anything to do with exercising, getting out of the house, and spending less money, this old app might be for you.

• 👀🙏 The best part of the holidays being over: We'll give you a hint – it's a lot more fun than wrapping presents.

Your Kid's First Word Could Be This Or That

According to a 2017 article published in Motherly, citing McGill University linguistics professor Heather Goad, some babies say "dada" before "mama" because they're so bonded to their mothers, they cannot separate their own identity from them. It's an intriguing theory, but other research indicates that your baby basically has a 50/50 chance of saying either.

But what if there was a third, entirely underwhelming option? A recent study out of Cornell University suggests that your kid's first words might literally be "this" or "that." 

Demonstratives, or pronouns that are meant to point out people or things like "this" and "that" are crucial for infants to learn, because it helps them get their needs met. Past data demonstrates that English and Spanish speaking children lean towards demonstratives as first words, but the current study broadened the scope of this, looking at 45 Ticuna speakers in Peru with the average age of 2-years-old, and discovered that the same pattern was consistent across cultures. 

“Children learn demonstratives that call others’ attention to objects – such as ‘this/that’ and ‘here/there’ – at extremely young ages, when they know very few other words,” Amalia Skilton, a linguistics scholar and Klarman Fellowin the College of Arts and Sciences, explained. “‘This’ and ‘here’ show up just as early as stereotypical first words like ‘mama.’”

Instead of taking it personally, consider it your offspring's first roast joke. Am I right babies?

Good News, Dad News

• 💔🏫 The condition of Virginia teacher Abby Zwerner is improving authorities said, after a 6-year-old student intentionally shot her on Friday afternoon at Richneck Elementary School in Newport News, Virginia. The school will be closed Monday and Tuesday in order to give children and the community time to process the terrifying event. 

• 🇺🇦🎨 Amidst the on-going Russian assault on Ukraine that began nearly a year ago, a college student named Yustyna Pavliuk and her mother Nataliia founded an art therapy program for the traumatized children in Ukraine. There work can currently be seen at the Ukrainian Institute of Modern Art in Chicago, in an exhibition titled "Children of War." Proceeds will go back into the art therapy program as well as to the Lviv Oblast Children's Clinical Hospital.

• 🌝💦 "Sugar-sweetened beverages" like soda (or "pop depending on where you live) might make you go bald, a recent study of over 1,000 men warns. So unless you're ready to shave it all off completely, you may want to err on the side of water.

• 🏈🙌 New York Jets quarterback Joe Flacco got absolutely owned by his 9-year-old son Daniel, when he wore a jersey for the opposing team, the Miami Dolphins. In the boy's defense, he is a huge fan of Tyreek Hill, a wide receiver for the Dolphins, and Flacco introduced Daniel and his two brothers to Hill before kickoff, so game recognizes game. (Plus, the Jets ultimately lost. Let's at least give a kid credit for being right.)

Trade Your Gym Membership In For ClassPass 

ClassPass isn't a new app, but one that has been around since 2013. The tiered platform allows people to cobble together a workout routine with whatever local classes the could easily get stale. 

Back in 2015 the company was criticized for their flawed attempts at marketing to men, but now seems to have found their footing (unlike George Constanza), curating specific class lists for men based on their cities.  And with plans ranging from $19 to $159 a month that you can adjust as you go, it's great for busy parents who want to keep their workouts flexible, even if it's not yoga. 

If you're not really group group class kind of guy, don't let the app's name fool you. Most standard gyms allow you to book blocks of time, for just a few points a pop. And as a number of users note, this often ends up being cheaper for people who workout at home sometimes and don't need cost-burden of being a full-time member. If you have reservations, you can try it pretty much anywhere for your first month at no cost to you. So what are you waiting for? Class dismissed. 

Parting Paternalism: Toys Aren't Only For Tots 

You already know by now that parenting is a hard, unpredictable, and undeniably important job, and best chance you have at doing it well is finding ways to have fun with it. And like several dads admit post-holidays, one highly underrated way of doing that is stealing your kid's toys when they're not using them.

"So how many other dad's have found themselves making elaborate towers and spaceships out of building blocks while the baby children have wandered off to eat more wrapping paper?," Reviewingremy posted on Daddit, adding that "I may be a dad. I may be 33 but turns out I still enjoy playing with building blocks."

Experts acknowledge that playing is a mindfulness exercise, so if your spouse or in-laws want you to stop playing with Hot Wheels, tell them you're busy meditating. Of course, don't be so eager that you tell your kid to leggo their Legos. Set an example and wait for your turn, they have a much tinier attention span and will lose interest at some point.

Or better yet, get in on the action with them. 

Polling Your Leg